Scripted by one of the guys (J. Mills Goodloe) behind the sickeningly sentimental adaptation of Nicholas Sparks’ The Best of Me, the time-defying The Age of Adaline follows a similarly cringe-inducing route.
Lee Toland Krieger helms the Blake Lively-starring fantasy love story that follows its ageless heroine Adaline Bowman (Lively) as she faces the extraordinary dilemma of never growing old. after lightning hits her car following an accident (explained through some science mumbo jumbo that no one can understand), the 20-something widower is gifted with eternal life. Spending her days on the run so as not to create suspicion of her condition, she discovers agelessness can be a bitch for your love life. When Adaline is charmed by handsome philanthropist Ellis Jones (Michiel Huisman) – the son of her former flame, Harrison Ford’s Willam Jones (yeah, things get a little weird… ) – will her outlook on relationships alter? You guessed it…
It’s overly nostalgic, boorish hogwash to which only a crazy-eyed Harrison Ford can bring any sense of heart. A soulless romance full of tiresome clichés and eye-rolling one liners (“You could tell me anything you want and I would believe you”; “Tell me something I can hold onto forever”) adds to the lingering sense of smugness that floats around The Age of Adaline like a well executed fart. Adaline’s know-it-all attitude, mixed infuriatingly together with Ellis’s I’m-so-charming-it-kills-me-a-little-inside charm only adds to the stench of insufferable bullcrap that we have to endure. Long distance stares usher in increasingly sentimental flashback sequences as we are fleetingly reminded of our protagonist’s unconventional struggles, while a cheap sounding narration job feels overwhelmingly out of place.
A far from original, yet still workable, idea of love and eternal life has been plagued by contrived dialogue and a passionless, pitiful romance with a face-slapping lack of personality. This isn’t emotional, it’s spoon-fed rubbish served on a spectacularly predictable, cringeworthy platter.